Voided

 

I. Voided

I am often left with my own thoughts, often falling in a rabbit hole of my own construction that leads to my self destruction.

Falling perpetually, flailing aimlessly, trying to scream for help but no one indulges me.

Feelings of abandonment, regret and self hatred, fighting alone the demons I'm faced with. 

As life flashes before my eyes and I reach my nostalgia high I realize my pain was merely the consequences of my own actions.

Actions of hurt upon others, action that bring tears to my mother, action that if I could go back and change them I would but the past is the past I need strength to move past it.

II. Regret.

I apologise...

For being a nuisance, over emotional and utterly useless.

I apologise...

For the pain I caused and the joy you lost.

I apologise...

To all the people I hurt when my emotions took over, for the words that I said, I should've used my head.

I apologise...

For being less of a man...

I apologise...

For the past 20 years of mistakes and the tolls that they take and the hearts that they break and heads that they shake and the fact that I apologise... does not mean I deserve to be forgiven... But I apologise. 

III. ?

Why am I? 

Why do I exist?

What led to me? 

What led to this?

What is my purpose?

What is my problem?

What drives them away?

What keeps them repulsed? 

It's a Stark contrast to what they say.

What is my value?

Either priceless or worthless.

Can I escape myself?

Fruitless...